So I'm on my last day in Korea and fly back to Kansas City tomorrow. Yeah, just as I'm getting used to the 14 hour time difference and starting to sleep through the night it's time to go. But I'm ready.
Shelly gave me one task to accomplish while I'm over here. Buy her some high quality replica Coach, Louis Vuitton, or Chanel purses or handbags. I think I'm pretty confident I can do that, since most of my buddies with me were given the same task by their wives. But I seem to recall she also asked me to look for a diaper bag, big enough for two babies worth of diapers.
So as I'm pondering that at lunch today it made me think...so just how many diapers are we going to have to carry at one time? Why isn't one enough for the day? I mean, I don't wash my Jeep Cherokee if it's raining outside because I know it would just get dirty again. Now if you haven't already picked up on it, I have never changed a diaper in my life. Nope, I just can't recall doing that. Usually if Marcy or Mandy would ask if I wanted to I would give some type of reply like "I would love to but my hands are all chapped right now". Just looking out for the baby's best interest.
As I continued my thoughts during lunch on diaper changing over my plate of mystery meat with rice, I got the visual of seeing how some people check for dirty diapers, by putting their hand down the back to see what is there. Now, I do not know the measure of success here. Is success defined as not feeling anything at all or does success mean bringing back up a poop finger showing that you successfully discovered a dirty diaper before the tot starts crying about it? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just not sure I can do the finger check down the crack method. So since I'm ruling that out I need another method. This is what I've come up with.
You know when you get a Slurpee and it comes with that big long straw with the little spoon on the end of it? You see where I'm going right? I know what you're thinking, that Mike Essary is a genious. I'll just slide one of those down the back and see if the spoon is full upon its return or empty. It's as simple as that.
So let me know what you think. But I do know one thing. I'm starting to get a nice list of items I need before these kids are born. One is the Rockabye Baby music CDs mentioned on the comments page earlier, the best idea I've heard all week by the way. And the other is a big box of Slurpee straws. Maybe Sam's Club sells them so I can get a big huge box of them.
As long as I can continue to develop good ideas like this, my fatherhood skills should greatly improve.
Mike
Seoul, South Korea
4 comments:
If the babies take after you, you guys will be able to smell the contents of the diaper before a slurpee straw is necessary.
I don't really do the finger in the diaper too much, I just lift her up and smell her bottom. That's real nice too.
Just a word of advice. Your hands REALLY will be chapped from washing them after changing all the diapers so here goes: Lubriderm Advanced Therapy! Lotion in a pink and white bottle so far is the best thing I have found for my chapped hands, and no smell. Will give you soft smooth hands, smooth as a babies bottom!!
I don't do diapers. If the kids come to stay with me, I'll hire someone to come over to change them. Or, they'll stay dirty till you get home.
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