My fear of lullabies

There are many people out there with odd phobias. Like fear of clowns or fear of balloons. Well, I've had a fear of lullabies for quite some time now. Not sure why but everytime I hear one it just gives me the creeps. The worst is "Hush now baby don't say a word..." Makes my skin crawl just thinking of it. Hang on. Okay, I'm back now from locking my hotel door and looking under the bed.

Thinking others may have the same phobia I googled "lullaby phobias". Nothing, but I did run across something interesting on wikipedia. They list the following as the origin of lullabies:

"The word Lullaby comes from the Hebrew phrase "Lilith Abi" which means Go Away Lilith. Lilith was a woman possessed by Satan who killed babies and seduced men in their sleep." It's no wonder these tunes freak me out!

Despite my best interest, let's go back and break down my worst lullaby.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird won't sing. Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

If that diamond ring is brass, Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass. If the looking glass will break, Papa's gonna buy you a chocolate cake.

When the chocolate cake you eat, Papa's gonna buy you a puppy sweet. If that puppy will bark, Papa's gonna buy you a horse and cart.

If that horse and cart break down, Papa's gonna buy you a big toy clown. Hush little baby! Don't you cry. Mama's gonna sing you a lullaby."

So what we're saying is we're bribing the young tot to go to sleep by promising unrealistic items in exchange. I do not even know what a mockingbird or looking glass is or where I would get one if the kid called me out. I can just see it once the kid is old enough to talk, "Yo pops, what's up with that mockingbird you promised me that time?" How do I answer that one?? And let's say I am able to find all those things and we get to the big toy clown. A big toy clown?! Are you kidding me? What's creepier than that?!

My plan is to never introduce lullabies to the kids and instead, maybe subsititute a little Journey, Eagles, some good ole 80s hair band tunes or some classic country. I'd be much more comfortable humming a few lines of "Hotel California" and that song makes no promises of what I will do if the kid does go to sleep. And what' s more soothing than humming a few lines of "Open Arms" by Journey. Maybe break into a little Ozzy in the morning to wake them.

Since we create the cognitive nature of children by introducing lullabies at an early age, if we never do that then they will never know the difference. Nothing would make me more proud than to see my kid walking to kindergarten whistling the beginning of Guns n Roses' "Patience". I'm telling ya, his lunch money would remain in his pocket my friends.

Mike
Seoul, South Korea