Last week in Korea my boss was introducing me prior to a brief I was about to give. He told the audience at one point, "Mike and his wife just found out they are pregnant with twins". No big deal until I started thinking about it. Are WE really pregnant with twins or is SHELLY?
I'm pretty sure it's just Shelly. There are only two times when I feel like I am pregnant. One is when I leave a Chinese buffet and the other is when I leave Em Chamas Brazilian Grill on 64th Street.
Since Shelly told me she was pregnant a few weeks ago, I have been asked many different questions I never had before. Questions such as "Where did you go sing karaoke last week?" or "When do you want to play golf again?" or "What do you think about the Royals so far?" have been replaced with "Do twins run in your family?" or "Did you guys do in vitro?" and finally "Did I hear from someone that you and Shelly are pregnant?".
I probably wouldn't have an issue with saying "Shelly and I are pregnant" if I hadn't seen that freak on Oprah who has many features of a man but is really a woman and pregnant. Now let me stop for a moment and clarify that I was not watching Oprah. It's not like I rushed home, went into the room, turned on the TV, and switched the channel straight to Oprah. I am not allowed to change the channel in the bedroom from 4:00 to 5:00 because Shelly is tivo'ing Oprah. So when I turn on the TV and it's on you can't change it. Yes, I could have turned off the TV but went ahead and left it on...don't judge me!
I see this dude on there who clearly looks like a man but has a huge stomach and he and his "wife" are rubbing it while Oprah asks them questions. After throwing up a little bit in my mouth I just had to sit and watch. Like a car wreck right? He has a beard and bushy armpits but also stretch marks on his stomach and apparently has a baby in his belly. Oh, and he only has man boobies. Now unless you are a woman from Eastern Europe there is no reason you should have a beard and bushy armpits. But there "she" was.
So since then I ruled out saying "Shelly and I are pregnant" and compromised with "Shelly and I are having twins" which seems a little easier on the ears.
Mike
Kansas City, MO
1 comment:
Why the @#$% would you put that "individual" on what was, up until this time, a family friendly blogspot? And why the @#$% would you admit out loud you watched Oprah regardless of whether it was car wreckish or not? And why the @#$% aren't you talking about Bon Jovi being in town tonight instead of some freak-o nutcase that can't figure out whether or not he's a "he" or she's a "she" and so it settled on becoming an "it"? Granted it will write a book and well over a million of our fellow countrymen will buy it, read it and get inspired by "the courage" it showed and the "pain" it felt and the "wonderful event" that it will share with its "wife" and their poor kid will grow up in a home that's more @#$%ed up than living with Jeff Dahmer would have been. Can we go back to talking about you sitting backwards on the kamode with your head down like when you were in kindergarden?
Cam
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